A few years ago, my brother Jack and his wife Laura were here for Christmas. Being the only early riser, I had dressed and eaten, and I went out on the
back porch to feed my dogs, Chico and Buddy. When they saw me and ignored their food, their sheepish demeanor suggested, "Oh, hi. Not hungry this
morning, thank you.....no reason you understand......" I immediately thought they had drug up or killed an animal, and that I'd see the remains in the
yard. Imagine my surprise, when on the bottom step, coming up the porch, was....... a country ham !!!! I couldn't believe it! I gingerly picked
it up to examine it. It had evidently been drug up the driveway because it had gravel on the bottom. It had also been thoroughly tested, as evidenced
by teeth marks and chunks missing.
When Jack and Laura got up, Laura said, "Oh, what if someone poisoned the ham?" I assured her that no one in the state of Kentucky would waste a
country ham that way! Well, we tried to figure out how the heck the dogs could produce a country
ham. I mean, what do you do? Put on the radio, "Found; a partially eaten country ham"? Do you go door to door to your neighbors and ask if they've lost
a now chewed-on country ham? On Christmas day? (I don't think so). My nearest neighbors are a half mile from my house, and I'd never known the
dogs to venture off of my property. I really don't think Santa brought it, but you never know.....
We never did find out where that ham came from and how the dogs came to drag it to the house. I finally sliced it up and put it in the refrigerator,
giving the dogs a bit of it every day. I went to Florida a few weeks after the holidays, and a friend fed the dogs for me. I asked her to please give
them a bit of the ham every day. When I returned home after a week, Chico and Buddy came out of their houses, looked at me, as if to say, "Oh. It's
you....ho-hum. Where's the ham?" Then, they turned and went back in their doghouses! So much for a warm welcome home. Took me a week to convince them
that I was now the ham lady again.
When the ham was all eaten, there was a long period of adjustment for them, going back to "just" dog food!
(Let's see...it would have to be frozen so they wouldn't eat it.....) Hmmm...this year, I'm hoping for maybe some securely packaged steaks.
Just to cover all bases: Are you listening, Santa? I've been good.....