Algie Ray Smith has written a Christmas story with local names and themes for decades. This is the 2016 version which came from the mind of the businessman and retired English teacher. Smith's latest book, The Red Tricycle, are still available at Riley-White on Carrico Park Square in Russellville.
Title: Mammy’s Christmas Gift
Author: Algie Ray Smith
Main characters: brothers James, Ken and Ray; Mammy (their grandmother); Patsy, the family’s pet monkey
Minor characters: sister Eva and her friend Nancy; Smith parents Louise and A.C.; Miss Annie of Annie’s Antiques; sisters Ann and Joy; Robert, the hired hand; Unca Ross and Aunt Alice Woodward; Bull Dog Evans, a local good old boy
Story line: James, Ken and Ray want to buy Mammy a Christmas gift she truly would appreciate, but the problem is… shortage of funds.
The solution: Read on!
Part I
A bit of a Problem
“That’s what Mammy said he would love to have,” James stated flatly.
“A boa?” Ray asked. “What is that? Ain’t that a snake? Mammy don’t like snakes.’
“No, it isn’t a snake… at least this kind of boa isn’t. It’s something that women used to wear around their necks in the Roaring 20’s. Mammy told me all about it,” James continued, “when she showed me the flapper dress and hat she has in that big old steamer trunk in the attic.”
Ken squinched his eyes, “What’s she doing with an old dress?”
“Seems like she wore it once in her young days, but I’m not sure. She really didn’t want to say.”
“And she said what?” Ray asked.
James nodded. “She said that if she had a boa she would have a complete flapper outfit again. And that’s what we ought to give her for Christmas… a boa… but there’s a problem.”
“Yea,” Ken agreed. “The problem, I bet, is nobody has a boa now.”
James shook his head. “Oh, but they do. See I went to Miss Annie’s Antiques… she’s about Mammy’s age… and asked her about flappers and boas. And you know what?”
“What?!” his two brothers exclaimed.
“Miss Annie has a mannequin in her store, and it’s all dressed up in a flapper outfit, boa and all.”
“Wow! But she doesn’t want to sell it, huh?” Ken surmised.
“Oh, she wants to sell the board okay… but her price is $5.”
“What so high?” Ray suddenly perked up. “That much money would buy a lot of Grapette sodas.”
“Miss Annie said that she wouldn’t be surprised if that boa had belonged to Edna Purviance, Charlie Chaplin’s leading lady.”
“Wow!” I’ve heard Mammy talk about Edna. Long ago, she and Charlie were Mammy’s movie idols.”
“I know,” James agreed, “and that’s why we have to get her that boa. So, everyone, pony up. Let’s see how much money were have right now. I’ve got a dollar I can give.”
Ken pulled a Bull Durham tobacco sack from his jeans pocket and emptied two quarters in his palm. I was going to buy Betty Burchett some candy for Christmas, but…”
They both looked at Ray. “Okay, Mammy’s sweet little boy, how much cash you got?”
Ray dug his hand down into his jeans pocket and came up with two half-eaten sticks of licorice and a buffalo nickel. “All I got’s my lucky nickel; but I’m willing to put it in.”
James made a quick calculation. “That’s $1.55. We still need $3.45… and Christmas is only three days off.”
“Hey,” Ray exclaimed. “What about Mammy’s magic coin purse? Every time I want money to go to the Dixie Picture Show… snap… she opens it and out comes two dimes.”
Ken shook his head. “That’s Mammy’s money. We can’t go asking Mammy for money to buy her own present.”
“Okay, then, what are we going to do? We have a problem.”
Part II
The Solution
At that moment their oldest sister Eva and her friend, Nancy Yates, stepped into the living room where the boys were huddled on the floor.
“Who has a PROBLEM?” Eva’s voice was stern. “And, what’s the problem!”
“What are you and Nancy doing her?” Ken asked. “I thought y’all went to town.”
“We did,” Eva grinned, “but look—show ‘em, Nancy, what we found on the magazine rack at Duncan’s Drug Store.”
Nancy unfolded a magazine and displayed its cover: Torrid Romances.
“It’s the latest edition,” Eva explained. “It was the last copy, so we decided we had rather buy the magazine that go to Kuhn’s and buy more toilet water. I have enough cheap perfume, even though somebody I know keeps putting it in his water pistol.”
Ray smiled, as he was guilty as charged. He had a lot of fun on Saturday afternoons at the Dixie Picture Show shooting the other guys and making them smell like girls.
“Anyway,” Eva changed the subject, “why so glum, Chum? You guys look like y’all got a bad case of poison ivy you know where.”
James explained the problem. Eva listened intently, all the while with one hand under her chin and her other hand smoothing down her hair.
“There you have it,” James sounded meekly.
“Yep,” Eva grinned, “but I’m getting an idea. Remember that old movie The Organ Grinder’s Monkey? Well, I believe you have an organ grinder and a monkey.”
“How’s that?” Ken asked.
“Didn’t I see Patsy playing with Ann’s Jack-in-the-Box? I mean someone put that Jack-in-the-Box in Patsy’s cage, and she was actually turning the crank, making music.
Ray raised his hand. (Guilty as charged.)
Eva became a bit excited. “You guys could take Patsy, the Jack-in-a-Box, fix up Ken like an organ grinder and Ray like… says an elf. He could collect the money. Y’all would get a fortune. It’s Christmas. The people all seem to be in a giving mood.”
Nancy interrupted, “Eva, my hand’s getting all sweaty holding this magazine. I thought we were going to your room and read the stories together.”
“Ooops! Almost forgot. Come on, Nancy; we’ll go. See you guys later. Good luck with the money problem.”
Part III
The Money is Obtained
Here’s what the boys did. James dressed Ken in one of Unca Teeter’s old coats and a hat and painted a moustache under his nose with some black shoe wax. Ray still had the elf costume he had used the Christmas before in Miss Myrtle Linton’s pageant at school, so he wore that.
James told them to go stand in front of the Southern Deposit Bank on the corner of Fourth and Main and see what happened. “Sorry, I can’t go with you,” James explained, “but I have to help Robert strip the rest of Dad’s tobacco crop. I’m counting on y’all to raise the rest of the money.”
And they did!
When the two brothers took the monkey back to the barn and counted the money from the cup that Ray had rattled under the noses of the smiling shoppers, they had…
“Three dollars and eighty-five,” Ken sang out. “Forty cents more than we need. See!” He indicated the stack of coins. “We have eight quarters, sixteen dimes and five nickels. Let’s go tell James.”
They hurried to the stripping room, leaving the money and the monkey in the barn, in the mule stall where the monkey stayed in cold weather.
When they returned with James, they were shocked to find Patsy poking around in the pile of money and putting the dimes in her mouth.
“Oh, no!” Ray shouted. “I gave Patsy a dime once that I had rubbed licorice on… to see if she would eat it. She did!”
“Quick,” Ken ran and knocked Patsy away from the money. “See how much money she’s eaten.”
James counted the money again. “There’s only $3.05 here now. Patsy must have eaten eight dimes.”
“What are we going to do?” asked a puzzled Ken.
James thought a minute. “There’s only one thing to do. Ray, you go to the kitchen… don’t let Momma or Mammy see you and bring me that box of Black Draught that we all get dosed with when we’re having trouble moving our bowels.”
“Oh, no, I’m not taking any of that stuff,” Ray moaned.
“It’s not for you, Dummy. It’s for Patsy. And bring the honey jar. Patsy loves honey.”
Part IV
It All Works Out in the End
James’ plan worked. Patsy gobbled the laxative-dressed honey like an elephant eating peanuts. And soon the eight dimes, along with three pennies and one of Unca Teeter’s collar buttons, appeared in a little steaming pile in one corner of the stall. Patsy lay moaning and rubbing her furry belly as far away from the pile as her chain would allow.
Ray was given the task of getting the dimes, which he did by raking them out with a lead pencil. To neutralize the slight odor of reality, he rubbed the dimes with his last stick of licorice.
Then the five dollars was tied up one of Robert’s red bandanas that just happened to be resting on a hook along with his hat. James took the money to Miss Annie’s.
When Miss Annie counted out the money, she declared, “This change reminds me of the candy I used to get in my Christmas stocking on Christmas morning.”
“Anything else?” James asked.
“No, I don ‘t guess.”
“Good. Now if you will wrap up the box real nice, I’ll give you an extra forty cents.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’ll wrap it up for free.”
“No, we want you to have the forty cents… say as a Christmas gift.”
“Well, okay.”
And the deed was done.
Part V
After Christmas Dinner
The afternoon of the 25th, the Smith living room was chocked full of stuffed humanity. Seated around the tree that was bare of gifts were Mom and Dad, James, Ken, Ray, Joy, Ann, Eva, Unca Ross and Aunt Alice, Unca Teeter, Robert, and Bull Dog Evans (a local boy who often helped out at the Smith Gas Station).
Everyone was quiet, but Ray was wondering, “Where is Mammy? I haven’t see her since dinner.”
At that moment, Ray—along with everyone else—snapped awake to a loud “TU RAH RAH BOOM De Hay” as Mammy burst into the room. She was wearing her flapper dress and snapping her new boa in the air!
There was a glow about Mammy that all those present hadn’t seen in a month of Sundays, let alone a number of Christmases. In the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree and in the bloated eyes of the stuffed bellies, Mammy looked forty years younger. Of course, she wasn’t, and the illusion lasted only seconds.
“Twenty-three skidoo, and here’s looking at you!” she exclaimed.
“And Merry Christmas, All!”